Howdy. I’m Patrick RichardsFink. Thanks for reading my blog.
I an a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice in MN serving the LGBTQ+ community. I’ve been bisexual as long as I’ve been aware of having a sexuality, but have only been out to the world for a couple years. My partner, with whom I am in an exclusive monogamous relationship, has known since before we met. I am also on the end of the Autism Spectrum called Asperger’s (pre DSM 5).
If the preceding sentences cause you any confusion? You’re reading the right blog. If you are nodding your head and saying “Wow, I thought I was the only one”, again, you are in the right place.
Originally, I intended this blog as a place to talk about a variety of issues, but it’s pretty quickly gotten much more tightly focused. So the content is primarily bisexual issues, with a little bit about Asperger’s and the occasional one-off about stuff that has really gotten under my skin. I also may have guest bloggers from time to time, and will gladly expand on discussions in the comments. I also blog at Huffington Post, but not as much as I do here as I find it hard to say anything in 1000 words or less, which is why my middle name on FaceBook is “tldr”. UPDATE: I am semiretired from blogging, so new updates are rare.
I have collected the first 50,000 words or so of this blog (plus a couple of posts in other locations and otherwise unpublished articles) in an ebook available from Amazon. It’s on the sidebar. I’ve chosen to do this as a way to get a little monetary compensation without banner ads (which I find annoying, and which I would not have control over the content of, which is a serious issue for me).
I served on the board of BiNet USA from 2013 to 2016.
Thanks for being here. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it.
Eponymous Fliponymous 
Pingback: The Monogamous Bisexual
Great stuff here, Patrick.
Thank you! I’m really enjoying seeing the ways people are finding my observations useful.
HI Patrick!
Mid-40s here, bisexual, and married monogamously. And I thought I was the only one!
Great stuff here – I’m glad I found you.
Howdy, David! Yeah, when I first came out I wondered if I was alone out here too… Pleased to meetcha.
Am I glad to find you! Very interested in following your blog. Thank you.
Glad you like it! I think I need to revise this page, as I’ve ended up focusing almost exclusively on bisexuality and queer theory and am writing nothing here on SF/horror or philosophy here… 😉
Hi, Patrick!
I believe I read somewhere that you are in the Easter Washington (perhaps Spokane?) area. I’m actually in Coeur d’Alene and seem to be tripping over your work today. 🙂 I’m a 50yo bi female and a senior currently seeking my Bachelors of Social Work here in North Idaho. (I am slated to begin my Masters work this summer.) We seem to share similar interests. Thank you for your blog and other written works. I look forward to more posts here and on HuffPo & wish you well.
Di
I wouldn’t miind Washington! I’m somewhere much, much colder… MN.
AH, used to live there myself. 🙂
Adding you to my blogroll (thebiwriter.com).
So glad to meet you and thanks for your comments on my Bisexual Marriage article!
You are welcome — it’s a great way to view it!
Do you have a contact email or something? Great intro btw.
Glad you like it! My email is first initial last name (no spaces) at that google email (I write it out this way to deter spammers).
love your site! For the original drawing for the “bust all the myths” meme, please credit the brilliant Hyperbole and a Half blogger, Allie. She’s incredible!
Yes, absolutely! I only modified it, she deserves accolades for generating one of the most flexible and useful memes on the web.
I’ve recently come out as bisexual and I’m proud of who I am. I can safely say bisexuality does exist. But I’m unhappily surprised at the fact many people put it in question. Thank you for honesty! 🙂 It spirits lots of people up!
Hi, talacarson! Glad to see you here, and Stay Proud!
“No Labels No Community” piece on Huff Post was off the charts fantastic — well done. Realize I’ve read your stuff before, huge fan and thanks for the great work you are doing. Wondering if you might be in touch with me via the email I’ll input for this post — I’ve got a project I’m working on and would be interested in speaking with you about it. Best to you…
I found your blog through Huffington Post. I am a 45 year old gay man in a relationship (16 years and counting). I am not a Kinsey 6, although I am more strongly attracted to me. I want to say that I have only read a few posts, but they are wonderful. I think we need to raise the visibility for bisexual people not only for your sakes, but to remind everyone that we should not be judged for our attractions, at a given time, regardless of what we say/do later. Keep up the good work and I will do my part to let people know that no one should be judged or marginalized for whom they love.
Thanks, Clancy! Yes, we all need to be able to pull together.
I agree. If we want to be part of the QUILTBAG, we need to accept everyone in the “bag”.
All the YES, that comment there.
Hi Patrick,
I’m an undergraduate psychology researcher at the University of Saskatchewan in Canada. I and two of my co-horts are currently designing a study looking at prejudice against bi-sexual men (from both hetero and homo sexual men) and are looking to utilize prejudice reduction techniques. For part of our experiment we are hoping to use an autobiographical excerpt from a bi-sexual man to see if that may help buffer prejudicial attitudes. I’m wondering if you would be interested in writing a short excerpt for us detailing your life as a bi-sexual man? It doesn’t have to be long we are just looking for something that may put male bi-sexuality into perspective for our participants. I will of course supply you with more information if you are interested and if not thanks anyways! Keep doing what you’re doing, it’s nice to see some male bi-sexual voices on the internet.
Thanks!
Ashleigh C.
I would certainly entertain the notion, but I really have to insist that you use the correct terminology — it is “bisexual”, not “bi-sexual”.
Please check the email you provided and we can discuss what you need from me and what I would like to see from you 🙂
Hi Patrick – I am across your blog and it’s been incredibly helpful. I am a 38 year old, bisexual male, monogamously married to a woman whom I love dearly. I came out to myself and to her a few years into our now 12 year marriage. Thank you for all your posts – so clear, and so powerful. I am trying to come out to others – I’m finding it a very slow process to get myself to take the leap. Reading your blog has provided me with great support. Thank you and please keep the posts coming.
Thanks, Ezekiel, and welcome! I’m always happy to answer questions/discuss issues.
Hi Patrick, Thanks for your response. I feel there are particular coming out challenges for people like me – bisexual, married to a woman, monogamous, etc. Not sure if you have a direct email address (maybe this is it), but I’d love to email you now and then for your perspective / support as I try to come out to more people.
Sometimes I am very slow to answer emails (because grad school among other things) but if you want to reach out in a more private venue, try prichardsfink at gmail.
I LOVE this blog. I have been searching for something like this for a while. it is so positive. I definitely want to build the bi community like you and am so passionate to have found your voice here.
Hi Patrick!
Thank goodness you are writing about this stuff! Some of these issues are so hard to understand!
I recently had a friendship ruined over sexual identity. I moved back to my hometown, got re-introduced to an old friend, an openly gay man. He offered to help decorate my house, came every weekend and next thing you know he is acting like my boyfriend. He had me so confused! I asked him to clarify his feelings and he decided I was misunderstanding him and he ran screaming back to SF. I cannot misunderstand the statement “I have never felt this way about a woman.”
People should be careful when they are messing with other peoples hearts. I blog a little. I wrote a blog about this, but have not yet published it. I find the writing down things part to be very therapeutic.
Aloha!
Wendy
Something very important to keep in mind here: “People should be careful when they are messing with other peoples hearts.” This is a good universal principle, but it is often applied to bisexuals as if it’s something we’re guilty of by definition.
You say your friendship was ruined over “sexual identity” when it seems to me that a more accurate way of characterizing it would be “poor communication and assumptions”.
I feel more like it was a case of “Fools rush in where angels fear to tread.” Whirlwind romances don’t seem to end well. 😉
Hi there
Do you know of any online support groups for monogamous bisexuals and their straight partners?
Thanks
http://bialogue-group.tumblr.com/post/37238037452/resources-for-mixed-orientation-marriages has some links to vetted resources.
Hi Patrick,
Thanks for your blog and post. I had been scratching my head all my life wondering if there could be ever such thing as monogamous bisexual and you have proved it right for me. I would say being bisexual is a blessing in disguise as I am able to appreciate both men and women and not having to go on a guilt trip for having done that. I am still on the journey of finding love in a suitable partner and when that day comes regardless of whether that person is male or female I will embrace them with open arms and be committed to them.
As far as coming out as bi to everyone I know, I don’t know when I will do it as my family is a part of the south Asian heritage and I know I would lose everybody if I tell them about this so I am not there yet.
Meanwhile do you know if there are any support groups for men near Toronto. I have tried to contact one and no responses yet.