For Bi Guys Coming Out

(This is a copy of a post on this blog that I felt needed to be more easily accessible to first-time readers.)

Welcome, Bi Men About To Come Out!

Hi! I’m not sure if we’ve met, but that’s OK, I do know that we’re a lot alike. I’m here to answer some of your questions and hopefully to make the experience you’re about to have a little easier. I’m going to make a lot of assumptions about you, and they may not be accurate – and that’s OK, because the ones that aren’t, you can scroll past, because they will be accurate for someone else. These assumptions come from a few places: my own experiences, experiences of others that I’ve been told or read about, and some research that’s been done. One assumption is that you’ve been in the closet by identifying as Straight. If you are someone who was identifying as Gay, then you already know a lot of this and your experience may vary quite a bit.

There’s a standard “Coming Out” narrative that is available to most Gay men. It takes two main forms: “I never liked women”, and/or “I was married/engaged/dating women because I didn’t realize/was hiding/was trying to change”.

For us Bi guys, those two narratives don’t work quite as well, because we have been and are genuinely attracted to women, and we are also genuinely attracted to men. This seems to complicate things, but it really doesn’t, at least not for you. You know who you are.

Coming out is not easy to do, but it’s the lifting of a giant weight off your shoulders. You’ve probably spent a lot of time cringing inwardly at people who make homophobic remarks. When you’re out, you get to fight back without fear of blowing your cover. That alone is a huge benefit for you, because let’s face it, not being able to stand up for yourself out of fear is emasculating as hell – and one of the ignorant and hateful things that people say about queer men is that they are “not Real Men”. I know – my ex-wife used to throw that one in my face, along with my mother, my peers, and pretty much all of society.

It’s OK. There is no actual Man Law. No one can take away your Man Card, because there are no Man Cards. Man Law and Man Cards are just crap that men who are insecure about their own masculinity make up because someone told them they weren’t “Real Men”, so they try to do it to everyone else.

Coming out as bi is going to confuse a lot of people, and because of this, a lot of people are going to say some really, really stupid things.

They may try to tell you that you’re confused. If you are married, they may assume that you’re going to get divorced, or that you don’t really love your wife and are just using her as a maid and a babysitter and that you’re just out having fun while she’s crying alone and neglected at home. If you are divorced they may assume that your sexuality is the reason for the divorce. And if you’re single, they may assume that you have no interest in women. “Ah, that’s why he’s never settled down!”

You and I know that is bullshit. But the people making these assumptions are people who only understand sexuality on their own terms and aren’t making the effort to see how things really are.

The good news is, that’s their problem, not yours.

All you are obligated to do is be who you are. You don’t have to explain everything to them unless you want to, all you have to say is “I’m bi.” If they want to argue with you that everybody is so nobody is, or that you’re really just gay and pretending to like women, or that because you’re married/involved with a woman you should just keep it to yourself, you can smile and walk away, you can point them to internet resources (I know more than a few which I’ll point out later), or you can explain to them the simple truth.

“I am who I am, I like who I like, and I’d appreciate it if you’d accept me on my own terms. If you can’t handle this like an adult, then I have better things to do than argue.”

There’s going to be a lot of pressure on you about labeling – welcome to something straight people don’t have to deal with as much. A lot of people are going to try to be supportive by saying “Gay or Straight, you’re still the same guy.”

These people mean well, and they are genuinely trying to be your allies. They may not get it right away, but they get a cookie for trying to act like human beings. You’ll have plenty of time to explain to them – or have someone else explain to them – what your being bi means. Don’t lose heart.

A lot of men who are reasonably high-profile have come out as bi, or say they reject labels altogether, say things like “Well, I just don’t use any label for my sexual orientation. I’m just Not Straight.” “Not Straight” is a label, and for most people outside bisexual circles, it is a synonym for “Gay” – for being attracted only to guys. Even the ones who clearly say they are bi frequently get labeled as gay, and it’s going to happen to you.

Gay is not a dirty word. There’s nothing wrong with being gay. But for you and I, it’s just not accurate, because we’re attracted to women too. It’s not that we’re “afraid to be gay”, it’s that the raft of assumptions that come with the word can cause problems.

One of the most important things for you to do when you come out is to find a supportive community, either in the flesh or on the internet. If you are lucky enough to live near what people tend to call a “gay city”, there are resources for you – NYABN (New York) or BRC (Boston) or BOP (Twin Cities) or BABN (San Francisco Bay Area) or amBI and LABTF (Los Angeles) or DC or Houston or Austin or Chicago or Denver or Salt Lake City, for example. There are other cities and places with bi-specific resources, this is by no means an exhaustive list — some of these cities have multiple resources.

If your search for community is limited to the internet because of your geography, those sites have lots of links, and there are thriving bi communities on social media platforms as well as places like BiNET USA and Bi.org (which is a portal with a lot of links for UK organizations).

Reach out and find the bisexual community. Knowing them – knowing us – will help you, and by joining the community you also make it larger, and easier for the next bi guy in your shoes to come out and be himself on his own terms. Some queer communities are welcoming to bisexuals, and some are not. If you find yourself being rejected by your local gay community, don’t go back in the closet – again, it’s their problem, not something wrong with you.

If you are married, and the reason you’re coming out is because you’ve finally figured out who you are – that you’re doing that very first coming out, the coming out to yourself – she’s the first person you should consider talking to. There’s a pretty good chance that she’s known this for a long time (or, if you’re like a lot of us, she has been the only person you’ve always been out to). If not, if it will be a surprise for her, make sure that you come out to her simply and clearly. It shouldn’t be a big production, but it also shouldn’t be an offhand “Oh yeah, I’m bi” while you are heading out the door somewhere. Be prepared for it to take some time, to have an open and honest conversation. If you are not planning to have sex outside your relationship, let her know that. If you feel you do need to reach out to other men in a physical way, she should know that too, and how you handle that will have to be something you decide together.

In either case, you will have to do some renegotiation of your relationship boundaries. They may end up in exactly the same place as they were – my wife and I have renegotiated several times, and the boundaries have not moved. By renegotiating, even when they don’t change, we’ve been able to be sure that we’re both seeing them in the same place.

If you are going into a relationship (with anyone, gay or straight) be sure to let them know. For one thing, they might themselves be bi! And honesty is never a bad foundation for a relationship.

If you have a therapist, talk to them about it – but if they immediately tell you that you’re on the fence, that you’re really gay, or if they assume you want a divorce for that reason, then you should ask them for a referral to someone who understands bisexuality. Write this down on a notecard and take it with you – they should know what it is, and if they don’t, then they need to know: ALBGTIC Competencies for Counseling LGBQQIA sections C3, C11, and C13. If you don’t have a therapist, but you want to see one (either for individual or couples therapy), in your first intake session ask about these competencies. Remember that as a client, it is your fundamental right to find a therapist that will understand you.

The most important thing is to be yourself. If your masculinity is important to you, know that being bi doesn’t change the man you are.

If after identifying as bi for a while, it turns out that your attraction to women isn’t a real thing, that in retrospect it was an act or something forced on you, that’s OK too. You have every right to be fluid, to change how you label. Bi guys ask you, however, not to assume that what was true for you in this case is true for everyone. A lot of gay men have done damage to their brothers by telling them that everybody is really gay or straight.

The other side of this is defending yourself by saying “everyone is bi”. Number 1, you don’t have to defend yourself. Number two, it’s just not true.

OK, Bi Guy, I hope this helps. I and lots of others are here for you. Be who you are, and you’ll be fabulous.

29 Responses to For Bi Guys Coming Out

  1. Ant says:

    I have to thank you for this, I’m gay and don’t identify with bisexual at all, but there’s someone very important who’s managed to break own all my defenses and grow on me. I read this and some other posts in an effort to understand what I’m getting myself in to before I get in to it because he is without a doubt the most incredible soul I have ever encountered. I initially split up with him because he was involved at the time but we have remained in contact an the friendship (essential in any relationship) has become quite intense, the sex has gone from being carnal to epic if not beyond. That’s why I’m here reading this, to better understand and support a truely wonderful human being….I am very very lucky.

  2. Will says:

    Thank you so much for this information, I’ve recently come out of a decade of denile and moved forward to accepting myself as bi. It’s been very difficult process for me and the lack of quality information has made it even more difficult and confusing. This is honestly the first site that has really givin me the support I needed. Unfortunately because of my work and constant shifting of geographical location I can’t find a support group or anyone with any experience to help me out. There are only two people who are openly queer that I have even heard of in my profession,so no luck finding help there. Your articles have been an immense help to me, please keep up the good work.
    Will

    • fliponymous says:

      Thank you, Will. You are who I wrote this for.

      • Will says:

        Hi Will again , have a question or two now that I have a few days off. Is it common for your level of attraction to different genders to vary day by day.For instance there have been days where I feel most attracted to women, then men and then there are days where it feels equal. This led to a lot of confusion early on as I would think that I was gay, then straight and then feel bi again. I of course solidly identify as bi at this point, I’m just wondering if this is a common occurrence in my situation. Thanks again
        Will

        • fliponymous says:

          Absolutely! Robyn Ochs’ definition of bisexuality (considered by many to be the best definition) says “not necessarily at the same time, in the same way, and to the same degree.” I notice that my own level of attraction fluctuates with my mood and daily situation.

          Some people call this fluidity, I call it just being human.

  3. Will says:

    Thanks again, things are progressing fairly well with me lately. I’m four months past my decade of denial, have come out to my girlfriend (told her as soon as I figured it out) sister and father. My mother is next but I will have to wait for another couple of weeks because of work. I then plan on coming out at work, which will be interesting, as I fight forest fires. The atmosphere is definitely not queer friendly but I refuse to live my life in fear.

    Accepting who I am is giving me a peace in my life that Ive never had before, the anxiety and depression that has plagued me for years is gone. The stress of constantly trying to act “straight” all the time is washing away and I feel like I can finally act and speak as myself for the first time in my life. I’m afraid coming out may eventually cost me my job, but frankly I would rather be myself then continue in this profession.

    Coming out to my girlfriend has made us even closer and we plan on getting engaged this winter.I’m hoping that coming out at my job wont be as bad as I suspect….but considering the amount of macho homophobic commentary I have experienced in the last nine years I’m not getting my hopes up.
    Hope you have a nice day
    Will

    • Bi not out says:

      I relate to your experiences in such a lot of ways. Thanks for sharing your bravery and strength and I hope one day I will be able to say I had a positive coming out story to post. I am still stuck in my own head with my own destructive thoughts. I know I can live a much fuller life if I am open with people about my sexuality. Thanks for your honesty. So glad I found this thread it is such a fantastic and supportive blog.

    • Brian says:

      Will, can I just say thank you for this post. I finally discovered I was Bi about a week ago, and that was all down to your comments.
      I could not relate to any male gay coming out stories, as I have consistently fancied women throughout my life. Whenever I had a feeling for a man, I would be like ‘that’s it I’m gay’, then a few days later meet a hot girl again, and then think ‘oh right, I’m straight’. This was extremely confusing for me. There is also nothing in the media, films, books, about bisexual men, so too me I never really knew it existed. It was either gay or straight.
      What changed was when I read your comments, about sexual fluidity, about obviously loving your girlfriend but fancying men at the same time, and suddenly a light bulb just went off in my head. I could relate to everything you mentioned. At that point I knew for sure, and for the first time in my life had closure.
      Keeping this secret has caused me depression and anxiety my whole life.
      I have now told my sister and girlfriend, yesterday in fact!
      I still have no idea what lies ahead for me, and to be honest I am scared, but once I knew, I could just not hold it in any longer. I am just taking each day as it comes now, and truly hope this will be my path to happiness.

  4. Matt says:

    I was outed as a 7 year old because I was the hyper kid they would with a little more than half of the time give amphetamines to because I just went with impulse and I was wound up as all hell but I had crushes in school and sometimes it was boys and other girls so since something was “wrong” the teacher called home and she even said, I understand the gay boys and that some of them are obvious so it isn’t the liking boys, he seems to go back to another girl and it’s just probably good to get him into a therapist or something.

    But I was the hyper kid so getting in trouble was pointless to tell me something was wrong would mean to me, I am all for it. In this case, it was essential I think. I never got what it meant until I was old enough. However, growing up, I was viewed in a way that just made me think people thought I was a joke or something. I took up judo and ended up great at it and got in the paper for winning tournaments and hung with a lot of straight men in that setting and I never had problems. 4 of them experimented with me and all but one is married and my best friend from then is the single one and I have sucked his dick for years. I don’t consider him really bi but we are best friends and he is into me doing that one thing for him because well, guys do it better most of the time. He is hot though or else I probably wouldn’t belittle myself like that. But he doesn’t disrespect me at all or anything. When his girlfriends tell him about their same sex experiences he brags to them about it. One actually said something to me about it like, “most girlfriends would be secretly glad to have a best friend like you around because we don’t like it and we can just piss him off so he goes and gets it from you” and laughed and said she’s been with women and doesn’t look down on it.

    My bisexuality has never had a percentage gauge or pattern though. I have had periods where I was mostly dating women and others where it was mostly men and some more diverse and some where I wasn’t looking for anything sexual at all in life and was content in each period with it. I have a difference from almost all bisexuals and that is I lived in the bisexual world from that schoolyard incident with the teacher that called home. Some of their older brothers would call me the switch hitter or the guy that went both ways. I was only mocked twice by one kid but I laughed at him the first time when nobody was around but the moment he called me a “part time faggot” I just gave him a left hook and it was worth the suspension. The closet gay kids were called faggot and tormented all day and they were scared of people. I used to get stoned with my best friend and would stop in the hallway in front of them and start making out with him (we both had girlfriends who were sexual with each other) and they were still closeted. Like the Mariah hands when they talked or their posse of obese female friends who used to hate me and one day she accused me of getting gang banged by all of my fellow judokas and that is the only reason straight people don’t pick on me. My girlfriend ended up after her over that. I just know I wasn’t seen as the same or different. I helped some of my cute straight friends who wanted to act on their curiosity but were hung up on “being seen as gay” because I just said, “well, I am not close to gay and if I want to play your girlfriend for awhile, you are certainly not going to turn out gay either”. Because they were never mean but the conversation that revolved around themes of how it feels to be bi, obsessively okaying it as cool with him, being “horny” or “so big nobody could do anything for them there were always all that was said from him. I am sure some of you have met the curious awkward straight dude in your youth like that.

    I learned a lot about ancient history growing up because ADHD makes me bored so I go on learn crushes I guess where I super obsess on certain things and ancient Rome, Greece, Persia, India and Japan all had societies where there was a norm of behavior that “poly” and “bi” and if you really look at it objectively, those societies with that as a majority social norm, were war hawks before straight people did it so they really learned a lot from bisexuals in empires and their constant combat. These were pre Christianized empires though and look on the bright side, the straight male world I can relate to also has some downsides. It is hard not to feel like a scapegoat sometimes like straight white men do when I hear some gay or lesbian straight bashing. I mean I have a better experience with straight people on average. I know gay people that aren’t biphobic at all but there aren’t as much as I’d like. Some are biphobic but pursue you sexually when they are in recent break ups but then think we had wives to go home to and make some remark and I honestly never ended up with any gay men at all.

    Sexually. I sucked off many of my straight best friends and have been with a few bi men and the one man I fell in love with who was just like me. Regarding straight dudes and the gay men I have known that wanted to seduce one, it is not like they’re aliens or something, they are dudes, with dicks and really nothing to be so excited about. But the bi dude I was with, was great, we’d argue with people who’d say crap like “you’re together, like gay?? awwww” and they’d raise hell for correcting them and saying bi. The bi woman too, she’d correct her snotty friends when they’d make some comment about us straight down to earth normal couples to say we weren’t straight. The wink and huh? with the looks like we are just kinky was pretty annoying too though. I lost her after she miscarried because it triggered a mental breakdown and as people they both left but not for a reason I can hate myself or them over but they are hard to find.

    With gay people they’d get passionately angry about it and rant to the effect of “fully coming out”.

    But straight biphobia is very complex. With open minded, social justice ragers, I myself have been called a “straight dude dipping his toes in the pool just to avoid responsibility for being patriarchy” and hear the dismissive absence in civil rights issues. Two types of biphobic straight women: “bi? well I said gay, same difference” or “I always wanted to have a gay boyfriend, like seriously, let me show you my gay porn” as they ask you if outfits are cute. etc. With men, there are biphobic straight men who mention porn stuff and fetishes asking me what it’s like, assuming, I am just kinky. Or the you’re just gay. like one of the homophobe types, “you’re still a faggot” or their friends, the “Well, I mean faggots, like homos and you aren’t, well, not a full blown one anyhow, you are cool but I hate faggots” (ironically making up the type of straight friends I experimented with) type. Some non-homophobic straight men will hate us and say out fake ass lies and two timing women and spreading AIDS makes me a piece of shit, type who are cool with gay people. Also biphobia exists with bi people too. Some bi people never like other bi people or seek love with one, they always chase gay or straight people and others. I know the bi women who date straight men who say things about bi guys being closeted or having AIDS and also bi men who say that bi women get a free pass just for being showoff sluts for straight dudes and their porn fantasy. And this is from a white, bisexual males view and I know trans politics and race politics gets into it with other situations at times.

    But even with all that, I was never in their world so I know my perception is from a longer and earlier presence as a “bisexual” to people and not knowing what it meant for quite some time so I know that gives me no place to go there when it comes to coming out but I can at least gladly add to what to expect. We aren’t also the majority of “LGBT” or whatever you call that disaster but we are all over the straight community as well in suburbs having swingers parties etc on the weekends. We can’t forget as bi people that we are diverse and some of us are stuck with the bi community idea and see ourselves as a separate, diverse but still present and valid group of people and identities on this planet and we are unfairly given “two worlds” to pick from and I don’t see why we can’t have our own. We are all over the place whether anyone liked it or not and one good thing about the erasure, we don’t have to listen to berating for our forefathers in the ancient times for their wars, genocides and oppressive actions but we may have to as we sort of get a sense of community that is autonomous to us and our place in the world. And if we as a group did something that made us admired as a community, the amounts of people who’d pour in with any tendency at all would outnumber most of the planet. Sexuality isn’t black or white and with that said, bisexuality is as solid as gay or straight in my view and I don’t see straight people getting curious as them being gay. It was experimenting and with their looks and smirking around them with their girls swarms in school because they are going nuts over some hottie that asked me to mess with him makes me laugh.

    I hope my observations help. I have no room to talk on the coming out part or the changes that you experience in that process but I do know from an early stage but I hope that helps with what to expect with people. If you aren’t choosing the it’s raining men, overdramatic gay guy outing, expect a lot of “what are you?” questions asked by drunk friends and it’s no big deal. We are both straight and gay but also neither and I can’t grasp the percentage of straight or percentage of gay deal either but my worldview and examples of what I have heard again and again as a kid growing up to now will hopefully help. I apologize for not being too much help on the LGBT thing but I felt like I wasn’t either or as a kid so it isn’t any hate, I just don’t think it makes sense because all I ever see or hear is gay people’s issues so I don’t see the point.

  5. Bi not out says:

    I am totally conflicted most days by my sexuality and identity. I am an educated creative male who is in a relationship with a woman. My partner knows I am bisexual and that I have slept with men but I am damaged by an early sexual experience in my childhood. I have lived in the shadow of this early childhood experience and never been able to come to terms with my past and therefore unable to live in the present or imagine a positive future for myself. This leaves me unsure of myself and not confident enough to be honest about my sexual identity to the rest of the world. I feel guilt, loneliness and a constant feeling of uncertainty. It must be hard for my partner to understand even though she has a very open mind. All I want is to be able to speak freely about my own identity yet I feel embarrassed that I do not truly understand who I am in my mid 30s. I spend most of my days hoping I can slowly work my way out of this confused state of mind. I have tried meditation and therapy as I want to be happy and be free to be who I am. A previous female partner became abusive towards me when I was finally honest about my sexuality resulting in her being physically abuse toward me. This leaves me very hesitant about being open with other people. Although she knows, I worry that my current partner will become a casualty of my own misgivings and that in order to really grow as an individual, I cannot be in a relationship with my partner even though I love her very much and we have been together 3 years and friends for 8 years. I don’t want to hurt anyone by admitting to myself and others who I really am so late in my life. I don’t want my family or friends to see me as deceptive or a totally different person. Most of my waking hours are spent thinking about these things and more. It never ends! Sometimes I feel as if my head will just explode with the endless thoughts. I owe it to myself to really start living the life I want to live but anytime I get close to telling anyone the truth, it gets stuck in my throat and I feel the spiral into depression begin again. I wish I was brave enough to be me. I am seeking therapy and any words of advice are appreciated.

  6. joe says:

    Pardon the previous post.

    So For bi not out. I’m amazed at the fact that your story very much resonates with me.
    I’m older than you but just going through the same process. A whole bunch of abuse in the past as well both physical and emotional and it all surrounded the idea that being anything other than straight was bad and that it’s something that we have to worry and punish ourselves over.

    I’m done with that. I’ve been through 6 years of depression because of my orientation or more importantly because of the fact that I was abused by the guy that was my first and a bunch of family shit.

    Any way I came out of that and all the crazy past with a wife that’s absolutely beautiful inside and out and she’s been so supportive with my coming out so that and I couldn’t love her more than I do now. I admit that I kept feeling that she would be angry with me and treated her poorly because of that but again I’m done with that. I lover her and regardless of where my orientation lies in going to love her forever.

    Anyway I’m at least ten years older than you so you’re not too late otherwise I’m fucked, which my wife has assures me I’m not.

    I think the way you think about your girlfriend and how much you care about her is so very similar to how I care about my wife. I’m in love with her and never want to hurt her. She’s so important to me both emotionally and physically that I couldn’t imagine life without her.

    I hope your current girlfriend can believe that’s true with you and I hope I’m not off base here or I’m not reading too much into it but again your story resonated so much with me.

    I’m on the other side of the atlantic but if you want to talk I’m fine with he moderator here giving you my email.

    Joe

    • bi not out says:

      Hi Jo,
      It sounds very similar. Since writing my post I’ve been to a bi friendly therapist and it helped a lot. My initial positive thoughts have again presented a whole bunch of new questions. I would like to continue our chat via email if the moderator can make that happen.

  7. Sam says:

    Thank you for this post. Although you wrote it more than a year ago, every part of it hit me squarely on who I am.

    Having been married to a wonderful woman for 30 years, I came out to her last Oct 2014, we are now in therapy working to save our marriage. My problem is that I do want to have relationships with men more than I have had, maybe just to see but also to experience the wonderful possibilities of being intimate with a man, so my struggles continue.

    Thank you

    • fliponymous says:

      Hi Sam! I’m glad I was able to help you. I recommend you check out the guest post by Estraven on finding a bi-aware therapist, as in your position it is going to be very important that you find someone who gets it. My quick advice is if your therapist recommends anything by Buxton, Kort, Yarhouse, or Straight Spouse Network get a different therapist right away.

  8. Cody says:

    Hi I just wanted to say thank you so much for having this wonderful page I have often thought about what people would say to me if I came out but thanks to you I am no longer worried thanks so much

  9. Matt says:

    I am and was bi when I was outed for crushes and I have notices some of the bi focused groups are specifically article after article about predominantly gay men and gay issues. I hope that as a bisexual community, we can at least come to some consensus. Many of us who “seem” in the closet aren’t actually, just culturally. I like that there was the note about rejection it is worse for us regarding anger over it.

  10. Andrew huff says:

    Very interesting stuff . Would like to learn more

    • fliponymous says:

      Hi Andrew, thanks for visiting my page. I hope you’ll find good information here, let me know if there is anything specific you’re looking for. Regarding the other comment, I am holding it out of public view for now, but I have read it and want to thank you for sharing your experience with me.

  11. Brian says:

    Great post. I’ve been out to colleagues and my wife for a couple of years, though I really could have benefited from reading something like this ten years ago, would have helped mitigate a lot of heartache, self doubt, and self hatred.

    I found this after sitting and thinking to myself that I don’t have any bisexual role models, or media figures or movies to relate to. There are a lot of coming out stories, but I haven’t encountered one even remotely similar to my own. I googled male bisexual coming out stories and found this page.

    No movies, no public role models (most “bisexual” men – people like Tom Hardy and Billy Joel Armstrong – don’t want to be labelled, which I suppose is their right and who am I to criticize them). We don’t have an “Ellen” moment. Coming out as Bi can be more complex, more confusing than coming out as gay. I know when I was married (still am, but almost sabotaged it) I hated myself because I was attracted to men, then separated and dated men, then hated myself even more for still being attracted to women. To this day I frequently have self doubt whenever my preferences lean more one way than the other.

    The more positive and informed messages we have out there giving validation for bisexuality the better, especially for men. I truly feel like a unicorn, constantly having to reaffirm my own existence to myself and the people around me, and I work in the arts with several gay colleagues – someplace that is supposed to be safe for queer individuals.

    Well done.

  12. Joebear says:

    I have recently discovered I am a bisexual male, also I have recently come to accept it more now that I know who I am. At first I thought it was just a phase but when I finally got the guts to get out there and experience sex with another man…. OMG… the moment he and I first began kissing I was immediately turned on…. but anyways
    Thank you for this page I don’t have a lot of people I can talk to about my experiences with and I can’t talk about my bisexuality a lot so this site has really helped.

  13. Erica says:

    You are amazing!!! I am a bisexual girl and I wish for anyone who is bisexual to be comfortable and free in their own skin. I find bisexual guys the most attractive as they have a rich blend of masculine and feminine energy.

  14. John says:

    I told my wife I was bisexual before we got married. She experimented in the swinging lifestyle with me for a handful of years before we got married,but then admitted she was never into it and only did it to keep me interested in her.Once we married,she turned vanilla and church lady on me and I don’t know if she’s trying to pray away my bisexuality, pretend it doesn’t exist,or thinks I can just flip an off switch and “behave”. But I knew before we got married she would need to know that I’m bisexual. For me,I just wouldn’t be able to keep that secret from her.

    Which brings me to my next point-I just came out bi to my best friend as well. A tremendous weight lifted off my shoulders. I can be ME-the bisexual me-around my best friend now,and don’t have to look down my nose embarrassed laughing at certain things,and I feel free to be more myself,like I said.

    Coming out a little at a time but feels better every day so far.

  15. Staci Hirsch says:

    Do you review fiction with bi male characters? If so, I would love for you to review my novel, The Roswell Discrepancy: a human romance in three parts, particularly because the male protagonist is an abuse survivor.

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